Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
