No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
He did a backflip because drugs
Randomize
