yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
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