a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
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