At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
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