Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize