Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Randomize