walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
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