When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
His hands were made for my vagina.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Randomize
