Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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