Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
