i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
He passed out mid-signature
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize