smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
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