k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
