The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
