This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Randomize
