the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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