I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Randomize
