Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
She said her name was "party"
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
my poor anus
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Pooping to opera.
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