I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Randomize
