you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
