This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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