She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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