dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
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