Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
