i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Randomize
