What a fucking waste of an outfit
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
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