i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
