My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
