im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
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