I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize
