His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
