are you so shy because you have an std?
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Randomize
