these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
