I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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