and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize