The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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