Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
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