I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Randomize
