I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize