yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
Everything about him screamed your future.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Randomize
