I just cut my nipple shaving
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Randomize