i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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