I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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