Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
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