can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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