I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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