actually, I'm a sock model
I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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