No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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