I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
