Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
Randomize
