im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
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