He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
