Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
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