He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
