About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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