It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Randomize
