Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Randomize
