dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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