my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
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