I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
