She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Randomize
