Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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