My underwear smells like fireworks.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
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