You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
you told grandpa to call you daddy
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
