There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
Barsexuality is the new black.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Randomize
