Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
