i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Randomize
